He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
