I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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