friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
