I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I bet he comes in French.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
