Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
