I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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