I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He did a backflip because drugs
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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