WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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