Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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