would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
