I'm going to jail i love you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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