Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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