what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
