just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
