yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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