Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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