Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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