Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Small penises have feelings too.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There r osticjed everywhere
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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