I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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