I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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