i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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