i barfeds in our rink
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
