i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My liver just broke up with me...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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