he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
