dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
