I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
