just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
tell your sister to shave her snatch
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
