Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
