White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i dont even know how to be here
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
