I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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