so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize