i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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