Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Too much gin, very little bucket
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
