My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
