I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize