The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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