Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I heard we made out
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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