I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize