Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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