Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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