I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
