I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We are all done wearing pants today
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
