Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
