Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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