so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
