whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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