I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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