There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
