You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
