Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
