If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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