Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
