Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
