My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
