sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Banned from zoo.
Again?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize