I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize