1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
