Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
