glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
