Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
