So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
