I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
