How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
