i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Boobs are out for the taking
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize