if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
