Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dignity is for republicans.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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