Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
