last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize